Stupid Superstitions About Friday the 13th

Happy Friday the 13th! May all you irrational superstitions haunt you today.
And every day!

Just a little background first.

People disagree about the origins of the fear of Friday the 13th. People like to argue about shit though. Anything and everything, really. People aren’t that great, to be honest. Dogs are great. Cats are great. I’m fond of our chickens. There’s a crazy squirrel that lives in one of our trees. He’s pretty cool. None of them are people, though.

Some people blame Judas because he was the 13th guest at The Last Supper and all that Garden of Gethsemane stuff. Others give credit for the irrational fear of a number to a Norse story where Loki crashed a dinner party, as the uninvited 13th guest, and bad shit happened. Baldur died. It was a mess. Some people are afraid of the number 13. Some people are afraid of Fridays. The combination of both must make them really uneasy. Other people believe the fear has a more modern origin, laying some of the blame on one of my favorite horror movie franchises, and now, video games.

Regardless of the origin, a plethora of superstitions surround the combination of day and date. I think they are all ridiculous, but you know the saying about opinions and assholes. If you disagree, that’s cool. I rarely leave the house of Friday the 13th either. That’s my goal every day, though.

Ridiculous Superstitions Surrounding Friday the 13th.

Most of these are fairly well-known. Some on the list I have never encountered before. All are either common knowledge or were shown to me by Master Google.

Omitting the number 13. – Sometimes it makes people feel better to trick themselves. One of the ways they do this is by leaving 13 out of things. Buildings lack a floor that is numbered 13. Airlines don’t have a row numbered 13. No house numbered 13 can be found on certain streets. Some cities skip 13th Street altogether. All of that is ridiculous, of course. There is still a 13th floor, it is just mislabeled. It exists. Row 14? Nope. Just Row 13 with an incorrect number. House 12.5? Sure. Or, you know, 13 if you actually count.

Doing almost anything on Friday the 13th might fuck you up. –  Basically don’t do anything or there could be dire consequences, perhaps even fatal.

Do you like everyone in your family? Avoid getting a haircut on Friday the 13th if  the answer is yes. If you get a haircut, one of them will most assuredly die.

Do not cut your fingernails on Friday the 13th or serious bad luck is your fate after this act of good grooming.

Do not, under any circumstances, change your sheets on Friday the 13th or you will be haunted by terrible dreams that night.

Charles Barkley "Turrible."

Charles Barkley does not want you to have bad dreams.

I’m fairly sure this is untrue because Friday is my regular day to change and wash sheets for 7-10 beds. I think I would have noticed if all my kids had terrible dreams every Friday night. I think I would also notice if I had terrible dreams every Friday night.

If you happen to pass a funeral procession on Friday the 13th, it’s your turn next. You will die the very next day simply because you went by a grieving family. Sorry. It’s over.

Liz Lemon - "Shut it down. Deal breaker.
You should have taken a different route.

Do not start anything on Friday the 13th –  It’s bad luck. Obviously. If you start a business, it will fail. Businesses started on every other day fail too. Doesn’t matter. Why risk it? If you leave on a trip, you will not return. If that trip is on a big ass ship, you will not return because that ship will sink. Guaranteed.

Did you forget to flip the calendar? Killed. Killed by a witch. That’s what your obituary will say by Monday the 16th because that witch will get your ass on the 14th. Do people still use daily paper calendars? Are those people of an age that dying soon is a concern anyway?

Were you born on Friday the 13th? Sorry. Fucked. Fucked for your entire life. I realize that you had no control over when your parents had sex. You had no control over when you were born. None of that matters. You will have a lifetime of bad luck and there is nothing you can do about it.

Seeing this crazy ass list, I’m starting to understand why some people think it is safer to stay home and do nothing. We binge watch the movies. We usually don’t make it to part 7, which is a blessing. Most of them are not good movies, but I love them anyway.

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