Festivus For the Rest of Us

Season 9, episode 10 of Seinfeld is a funny episode called “The Strike.” It’s one of those episodes that I remember as something completely different from the title. Especially this episode because everyone thinks of it as “the Festivus episode.”

The episode originally aired on December 18, 1997. The name of the episode comes from Kramer returning to his job at a bagel shop after an extremely prolonged strike. The hilarity of the episode comes from learning about a holiday created by George’s father and watching the gang participate.

The Festivus belief system is fascinating.
Who would not be fascinated by such a weird ass holiday?
Festivus traditions

Festivus is a pretty anger filled holiday. It’s perfectly placed in the calendar on December 23rd of every year. It’s been a few weeks since everyone pissed you off at Thanksgiving. You’re already feeling the stress of having to deal with all of it again in a few days. Festivus gives everyone a chance to clear the air, get shit off their chest, and assault each other to exert physical dominance. I have absolutely no chance at winning the Feats of Strength. Not a snowball’s chance in Hell. I have to rely on wit, sarcasm, and knowledge of everyone’s secrets to make the Airing of Grievances really count.

There has to be a way other than raining blows upon another human.

The anger and hatred of practically everything displayed by Mr. Costanza is perfectly portrayed by Jerry Stiller, who is also featured in one of my favorite scenes from The Paul Lynde Show. Yes, I will find a way to mention Paul Lynde in everything. We adore him. You know what? I’ll post the scene at the bottom in case you want to learn how to mix a ridiculous cocktail.

We mess around with this little retro website and Seinfeld is from the 90s. Inspired by Mr. Costanza’s bitterness towards humanity and hating many things ourselves, we have decided to have a contest featuring our favorite part of Festivus, the Airing of Grievances.

retro martyr shirt

So, having never done anything like this before, this is how it will work. Send us your grievances. We know y’all, like all 10 of you who come to the website or follow us on social media, have some because everything is basically shit now. We will go through them and pick our favorites to be highlighted in a post on Festivus. Our favorite grievance will win a Retro Martyr t-shirt like the one in the picture. There are other colors available.

There is really only one rule. It isn’t that you don’t talk about the contest like some Fight Club bullshit.

Nothing political. Nothing at all. Anything concerning politics will be automatically disqualified. We don’t care about your political beliefs or opinions. We assume you do not care about ours. And people minding their own business is awesome. It would be impossible for us to give fewer fucks about why the Left dislikes Trump or why the Right thinks Warren is Fauxcahontas. I guess that shit has its place. I know that place isn’t here.

Clip from The Paul Lynde Show

Entering is super simple. Comment on this post. Comment on a Facebook or Instagram contest post with your grievances. You can tweet your grievances @retromartyr. Private messages on social media are also cool to enter your grievances. Or you could email us at retromartyr@protonmail.com. Do any or all of these things to enter. Just do it by December 20th so we have time to read them, figure out the winner, and write the post. We know you are pissed about stuff. We want to hear about it. The funnier the better.

I got a lot of problems with you people and now, you're gonna hear about it.
Let’s hear it, people.

As promised, Jerry Stiller as Howie’s father on The Paul Lynde Show. Do you know how to make a Constantinople?

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